The Land O' Chub

Almost a year

Tue, 26 May 2009 19:55:14 GMT

It's been almost a year since I've added an entry.
Fortunately, I've lost about 60 pounds now. I've been occasionally logging my efforts at another blog:

girle.diaryland.com

Feel free to catch my journey there. 60 down, 40 to go to my 100lb loss goal.
And I might throw in another 10 pounds after that, I'll see how I am when I get there.

chubby girl

Running late for work today!

Fri, 13 Jul 2007 14:38:35 GMT

OK so I've not posted for a while, but will begin to again.

This week, I've been doing the Slim Fast thing. I used to be so against the "liquid diet" but it really isn't. It's actually not a bad plan.

So if you're over 200 pounds, this is the plan:

Shake for breakfast, shake for lunch. Incorporate five fruits/vegetables and water throughout the day. That's not bad. All this plan is is a way to manage calories during the day for people who have a hard time doing so. It's no different than a prepackaged meal plan, or counting points....they have you drinking the shakes which have set calories and nutrition so you don't have to think about what to eat.

Also, you CAN eat - it's not some liquid diet fast or something. Five fruits and veggies during the day leaves you able to eat all day. I nibble on cherries, bananas, apple slices...and I usually have a FiberOne granola bar too. The two shakes plus the granola bar = 19 grams of fiber. That's good.

If I'm staaaarving during the day I get a grilled chicken salad, no cheese, and use a tiny bit of dresing, and I eat that instead of my 2nd shake - the calories even out.

The problem is at night when I'm on my way home from work and my fat ass is drooling as I drive by fast food places, and figure out what to eat. I'm working on the "sensible" part and working on staying low on the carbs and high on the veggies/protein. So for example, we rarely cook in the summer, it's just too hot, and we don't have ac in the kitchen. Sometimes I'll get something like mixed veggies from the Chinese place, or Vietnamese spring rolls, or last night, I grilled a steak and ate it with egg whites scrambled with fresh mushrooms and spinach. And it was good. With the steak, the fat content was up there, but at least I focused and got veggies and protein in.

Fortunately, I love veggies so it's not a huge problem. I don't even have a scale at home so I have no idea what I weigh exactly, last time I weighed I was getting close to 250, surprisingly. But I have no goals right now. I'm just gonna continue with this calorie watching stuff during the day and get on with my life.

Oh and of course exercise. I haven't gone to the track in a while but I did get up yesterday morning and rode a few miles before work - my bike of course. I like bike riding - but I hate that the cars and shit get in the way. I wish I had a trail close by. Well actually I do, but it's through the cemetery and you know I'm not gonna do that shit alone.

Oh, speaking of which, the husband is doing this SF as well. We are pretty independent during the week - our work hours are all different...but he says he's pretty much sticking to the plan. No matter what, my caloric intake must be cut down greatly. There is a restaurant were I work and I order from there most every day. Mostly salads, but salads with ranch dressing, fried buffalo chicken fingers and cheeses.

So um yeah.

I just love food too damn much and there's gotta be a way to balance this all out. There will be restriction now, but I keep telling myself that once I lose weight I can moderately eat some of those icky things again...but then I fear I'll go crazy again.

I need my Slim Fast cappuccino shake. They're not bad. And I was drinking McD's iced coffee every morning anyway. I haven't bothered to look up the fat/calories for that iced coffee yet, but I've watched them make it and they should call it iced cream with coffee flavor.

cg

Shopping

Sun, 25 Mar 2007 15:30:33 GMT

Nothing like going shopping with a friend who is a size 8...and saying, "OK, now I'm going to bore you with the Women's department"...and your friend prentending like she's looking at the clothes and commenting on how cute some of them are...even though you know she's thinking "this is HUGE!"

They are coming out with cute Women's stuff - I can usually find something I'm looking for. Looks like this year, it's all short/capped sleeves. Didn't see a 3/4 sleeve at the department store, hardly anywhere. And no way am I going to show my arms.

Guess that's why they make cardigan sweaters.

I'm playing softball this summer again, and hope to be very active, as my new friend loves walking/hiking and has a membership at my same gym!

work stuff

Mon, 05 Mar 2007 17:27:43 GMT

I did my workout video, boiled some eggs (because I LOVE hard-boiled egg whites) and I've been sitting here online for an hour. Now I have to be at work in a half hour, still haven't showered or anything.

I attempted to eat a bowl of Weight Watchers cereal - it's got amazing fiber in it, I added a packet of Splenda and it's better, but that fibery grit is getting to me.

I'm going to make a chicken breast sandwich with a Weight Watchers bagel, lettuce and FF balsamic vinaigrette and try to get to work at a decent time...

quick shower...

I just really want to lose weight.

Even when I eat healthy stuff, I manage to feel guilty for eating.

Will this ever end?

workout videos

Mon, 05 Mar 2007 17:23:51 GMT

I kinda feel stupid doing my 3-mile workout video.
But part of me eats up that fake encouragement.

In order for me to get into working out again, I bought a new ipod.
more music = no reason for me to stop working out.

So I did my workout video this morning, and will plan on hitting the gym 3 nights this week.

I think when I workout, I imagine that I am thin.
What am I supposed to do, imagine a pig on an elliptical machine?

food

Fri, 23 Feb 2007 05:45:23 GMT

I know, McNasty and all that, but I actually love those grilled honey mustard snack wraps at mcdonalds.
Without cheese, each has 6g fat, 1g fiber. With the work schedule I've been having lately, I haven't cooked this week. Not since Sunday. It's just been quick soup, frozen veggies microwaved and, you guessed it - snack wraps. I have been going into work around lunchtime, so I stopped at McDonalds and bought a few of those snack wraps so I'd have them on hand.

This is what I ate today:

Lunch
2 grilled snack wraps
apple

Snack
goldfish shaped pretzels
banana frozen yogurt beverage (I'm sure this was loaded with calories)

Dinner
2 grilled snack wraps
apple
hard boiled egg white

I'm bloated from that egg.

It's funny because my lazy fat ass could easily make tortillas with chicken breast, lettuce and honey mustard.
But, my lazy fat ass will take baby steps to eating healthy...soon, I will be doing that. For right now, I'm doing what's easiest for me...this weekend, I'll go to the gym each day like last weekend...and soon, I'll work in a 3rd day of the week.

Baby steps.

Every time I get pissy about being fat, I try to jump in and change everything - gym, eating healthier things, cooking, menu planning, Weight Watchers, etc...and I try to do too much and fail.

You know what I REALLY wanted to do? I left work starving, wanted fried chicken and french fries and almost reasoned with myself to go get it. But I had a few mozzarella sticks when out w/a friend last night, and that's the only fried thing I've had all week, basically. That's monumental for me! Instead of going to Star.bucks before work today for a high-calorie latte, I decided to just fill my jug with water and add a Crystal Light packet to it. Go me. That's huge.

This time, let's do it. For now, I'm going to bed.

Tired Today

Tue, 20 Feb 2007 04:15:07 GMT

No workout today.
i'm tired and I'm still sore.

I may try to go to the gym in the morning, but it's so hard when it's 12 degrees outside. I have a Walk Away the Pounds video around here SOMEwhere. I also have another workout video that I bought at the dollar store that I want to try, so I'll probably end up doing that. Or maybe just a good stretch and a nice workout tomorrow night.

Today, I drank half a Tropicana smoothie. A packet of instant oatmeal. A chicken salad w/the regular avocado ranch dressing, and for dinner I had yummy baby peas in a low fat butter sauce. (Yes, fat girls love vegetables!) That's not a ton of food. Probably ltos of fat from the avocado ranch dressing. I wish I knew the caloric intake. But it's still "better" than what I had a week ago today. I barely had any liquids - just the smoothie and a coffee cup of Sierra Mist.

Where's the water or other liquids? What's up with me? Isn't that pathetic?

I am in management. Sometimes I wonder if I was thinner, if I would get more respect? Would people look up to me more?

We ended up having burgers for dinner last night - from Steak N' Shake. I had one of those low-fat frozen yogurt milkshakes. I pointed to it on the menu, but I bet you anything they made a "regular" milk shake instead of the low fat one. I'm going to their website now just to see how "good" for you they really are...

SHEESH. That thing had 450 calories and 9g fat. It's funny how they talk about the whole "low fat frozen yogurt" thing and you end up with this caloric monster. Did I really think I was drinking something that was halfway good for me?

Well, that meal I had last night was enough calories for the whole week I'm sure, so I just need to plan on starving for the rest of the week.

- Chubby

Soreness

Mon, 19 Feb 2007 01:07:01 GMT

Went to the gym today. Trying to just take it slow. 45 minutes on the elliptical machine, some walking and stretching - that's good enough for me.

This really skinny girl gets on the bike in front of me. I always wondering about the skinny girls. What's going through their minds. Are they really health minded? Or are some of them like the girl complaining about the size six jeans - obsessive? Would it be better to be really thin and obsessive, or chubby? Which is "healthier"?

As I work out, I pretend that my body is transforming. Instead of feeling stupid, I just sing along to the songs and figure I look like a pig on an elliptical machine, so why not just mouth the words to my songs and laugh out loud to whatever is on TV?

I ate constantly today. A yogurt with granola, lots of diet iced tea, pork rinds, egg beaters and ham for breakfast, and some dry fruit. All those calories add up. I wish I was one of those picky eaters - I feel like that would make things easier. But since I love food, I figure I want to try to eat something every hour during the day, but something "good" for me. Like yogurt or jello or soy milk or a smoothie or something.

I haven't smoked a cigarette in quite a while - sometimes I wish I could just smoke like a chimney and starve.

I get crazy ideas sometimes.

- Chubby

oh Geez.

Sun, 18 Feb 2007 08:49:50 GMT

So I was browsing journals, seeing if I can find anyone to add as a friend, and I came across some girl bitching about how her "size 6 AE jeans were tight" and how disgustingly fat she was and how sick of it all she was, to weigh 135...and I browsed the rest of her journal to see how she was determined to eat less than 150 calories a day and do 2 hours of exercise a day.

I know, we all have our own fat woes...but whatever. BS. I want to be frank and and candid and shit in this journal and seeing that kind of stuff really drives me crazy.

I tried to pretend I wasn't feeling the burn on the elliptical machine today...I sang along to the Postal Service and tried to be nonchalant.

- Chubby

Sun, 18 Feb 2007 07:37:07 GMT

I just started this journal - and it's funny, when I view my own journal and see the advertisements, it's all for fried chicken and chocolates and things. i think I'm going to have the ads taken out.

Speaking of which, I had the most wonderful piece of chocolate yesterday. Someone gave me a Ghirardelli square - it was 60% Cocoa with caramel inside. It was heavenly and wonderful.

I wonder if anyone was grossed out watching me, fat girl, eat it.
I wonder that sometimes. If I'm out to eat, I wonder if anyone looks at me like I'm grotesque, because I'm fat and I'm eating. I wear a size 20, sometimes 22. I'm not what you'd stereotypically think of as morbid and disgusting, but you know how people are. Anyway, I'm fat - and being fat is fat, whether you're size 20, or size 28. No woman should be in a size over the "teens" and also be considered healthy.

But I wonder if I've ever been eating an ice cream cone and grossed someone out.

Chubby

The Gym

Sun, 18 Feb 2007 07:30:16 GMT

I've been a member there since January 2000 and each year I weigh more on my anniversary for joining than I did the year before.

I have gained a good thirty pounds since I joined. Funny. When I'm there, I sorta like it. I'm not super self-concious about myself. I'm fat, and no cute sweatsuit is going to hide it. But at least I can work up a sweat, listen to some tunes and feel good. And best of all, take a long, hot shower afterward.

So I hadn't been to the gym in a while and I thought I had a towel in my locker, but I didn't - so I had to "rent" one from the gym. And of course, that little towel would not fit around my body. See, I use a beach towel when I go to the gym so I can walk to and from the showers. Today, since I just had that teeny little towel, I took all my stuff to the shower with me and changed there in the stall. I could never been one of those women who feel comfortable enough to walk around in nothing but flip flops. There are even larger women who do that.

Am I the only girl there who sneaks glances at the other naked women there? Not as some sort of lesbian fantasy...but just because you just don't often see real, normal women naked. Even thin women have imperfections. Even fat women have beautiful features. Some women like to take their time and put lotion on all over their bodies - or girls like me, I just throw on all my clothes pretty quickly so no on glances at my fatness.

Maybe one of these days I'll be one of those women who take the time...who nurture their bodies, and embrace them.

Chubby